i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
false alarm, still single
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
