just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
