My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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