Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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