hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
