New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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