Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
