Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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