So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
