I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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