You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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