me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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