Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
