with your own penis?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
