Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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