I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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