handjob tips. give me some.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
