did you get engaged???
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
