You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
