the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there's paper in my vomit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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