At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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