we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
