Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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