I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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