she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
