Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
