Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
