she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
