I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
