mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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