Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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