ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
