I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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