as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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