thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize