I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
