So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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