No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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