my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Alive.
So much puke
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
