butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
