i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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