I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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