see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
