So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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