kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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