I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
