So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
