My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
