is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize