just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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