Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
