Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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