Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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