Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
