Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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