I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
