I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
