At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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