a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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