DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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