I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
