this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
