and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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